I'll never forget the first time church broke my heart.
After Luke's graduation from Bible college, we were serving
as volunteer staff in our home church as we sought God's will for
our continued ministry. High on zeal but low on experience, we
never saw it coming when the pastor we were serving under began
feeling threatened by the affection of the congregation toward
Luke. They had been present at his birth, prayed through his
years of rebellion, and were overjoyed at the fact their prodigal
had returned home as a minister no less!
Take care to note this Scripture doesn't say you should go to a sister
if you are angry with her (though you should), but rather if you see she
has something against you. In my experience, it is a very rare thing
for someone to approach another and say, "There is something
that is bothering me, and I'd like to talk." Our lives would be cake
were it always that easy! Instead, what you will typically experience
are cold shoulders, missed services, and dropped ministries.
For whatever reason, mad members feel the best way to punish
the preacher is to stop showing up and to simply wallow in the
perceived transgression. I call these the "Silent Stewers," and to
deal with them, your spiritual example will require you to suck it
up and in humility make the first move even if you do not believe
you've done anything wrong.
Sometimes we believe our husbands are the ones people tend to
be upset with, but I have news for you. For reasons that are vastly
different from those your man will face, you can inadvertently step
on the toes of your church women and offend them as easily as their
male counterparts. I've been criticized for anything from forgetting
to pass a prayer-chain request to neglectfully allowing my kids to run
through the church. However, some hurts aren't to be taken lightly.
The number one reason laypeople tell me they harbor bitterness
toward their pastor's wife is because she broke confidence by sharing
private matters with unintended ears. Yes, girls. Our big mouths can
get us in some major trouble. Can we just establish now that we
should keep them shut?
The Pharisees and Sadducees could have cared less about Jesus' teaching had it not directly threatened their influence over the people. Just as in those days, when powerful people begin losing their grip, they will automatically start looking for someone to crucify. Your hubby just happens to be the one most likely to end up as the target.
This may not encourage you one little bit, but let me tell you
why it should. When we learn to separate people from their actions,
it becomes much easier to love them in spite of how they hurt us.
Now I'm not saying it ever gets easy to watch someone attack Luke
or second-guess him when I know how he agonizes over decisions
where the body is concerned. However, it helps immensely to recognize
that Satan is the ultimate Stink Stirrer and accuser of the
brethren. Remembering this, I can aim my righteous indignation
toward him instead of allowing my unrighteous anger to be directed
toward a brother or sister in Christ. If their criticisms are unfounded,
then ultimately we can rely on God's justice in the matter.
However, there is an alternative consideration. What if your
accusers have cause? What if you've just flat out blown it? It is a rare
thing for me to hear a story of strife in the body and for a ministry
wife to tell me, "We messed up." Most often we take on the countenance
of a martyr and insist everyone is to blame except us, which
leads to the next step in considering conflict.
I've read many commentaries on this particular passage, and
most agree the angels of the churches refer to the overseers or, presently,
the pastors and elders of the church.
Here's my personal interpretation (please forgive me, theologians,
if this is a stretch): If Jesus Christ Himself is holding my dear husband
in His righteous right hand, then I can trust Him to guide and protect
him in the midst of any adversity. There have been times when people
have cut Luke to the quick, and the only thing that prevented me
from pinning them to the wall was the fact that Jesus already had it
covered. And because we are told in Scripture that marriage is two
people becoming one flesh, I believe that providential care also extends
to you, dear sister, when your heart is broken and bruised. Resting in
His hands and trusting Him to execute perfect justice on behalf of the
innocent are what will keep our hearts and minds from responding
with depression, despondency, and bitterness. If we suffer, it is imperative
that we do so according to 1 Peter 3:16- 17, which says to keep cca
clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good
behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is
God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil."
Our God will never let injustice reign. It may take some time,
but I can tell you one thing because I've seen it happen personally:
If we maintain our personal integrity and don't allow the flesh to
control our actions, God Himself will convict hearts, and they will
change for the better. You may never be made aware of this in your
lifetime, but in the words of Dorothy Patterson, ccWe must forgive
when no forgiveness is requested."4 Our calling is to make sure the
conviction doesn't fall on us. And it won't if we beg the Holy Spirit
to aid us in keeping a clear conscience.
After Luke's graduation from Bible college, we were serving
as volunteer staff in our home church as we sought God's will for
our continued ministry. High on zeal but low on experience, we
never saw it coming when the pastor we were serving under began
feeling threatened by the affection of the congregation toward
Luke. They had been present at his birth, prayed through his
years of rebellion, and were overjoyed at the fact their prodigal
had returned home as a minister no less!
Take care to note this Scripture doesn't say you should go to a sister
if you are angry with her (though you should), but rather if you see she
has something against you. In my experience, it is a very rare thing
for someone to approach another and say, "There is something
that is bothering me, and I'd like to talk." Our lives would be cake
were it always that easy! Instead, what you will typically experience
are cold shoulders, missed services, and dropped ministries.
For whatever reason, mad members feel the best way to punish
the preacher is to stop showing up and to simply wallow in the
perceived transgression. I call these the "Silent Stewers," and to
deal with them, your spiritual example will require you to suck it
up and in humility make the first move even if you do not believe
you've done anything wrong.
Sometimes we believe our husbands are the ones people tend to
be upset with, but I have news for you. For reasons that are vastly
different from those your man will face, you can inadvertently step
on the toes of your church women and offend them as easily as their
male counterparts. I've been criticized for anything from forgetting
to pass a prayer-chain request to neglectfully allowing my kids to run
through the church. However, some hurts aren't to be taken lightly.
The number one reason laypeople tell me they harbor bitterness
toward their pastor's wife is because she broke confidence by sharing
private matters with unintended ears. Yes, girls. Our big mouths can
get us in some major trouble. Can we just establish now that we
should keep them shut?
The Pharisees and Sadducees could have cared less about Jesus' teaching had it not directly threatened their influence over the people. Just as in those days, when powerful people begin losing their grip, they will automatically start looking for someone to crucify. Your hubby just happens to be the one most likely to end up as the target.
This may not encourage you one little bit, but let me tell you
why it should. When we learn to separate people from their actions,
it becomes much easier to love them in spite of how they hurt us.
Now I'm not saying it ever gets easy to watch someone attack Luke
or second-guess him when I know how he agonizes over decisions
where the body is concerned. However, it helps immensely to recognize
that Satan is the ultimate Stink Stirrer and accuser of the
brethren. Remembering this, I can aim my righteous indignation
toward him instead of allowing my unrighteous anger to be directed
toward a brother or sister in Christ. If their criticisms are unfounded,
then ultimately we can rely on God's justice in the matter.
However, there is an alternative consideration. What if your
accusers have cause? What if you've just flat out blown it? It is a rare
thing for me to hear a story of strife in the body and for a ministry
wife to tell me, "We messed up." Most often we take on the countenance
of a martyr and insist everyone is to blame except us, which
leads to the next step in considering conflict.
I've read many commentaries on this particular passage, and
most agree the angels of the churches refer to the overseers or, presently,
the pastors and elders of the church.
Here's my personal interpretation (please forgive me, theologians,
if this is a stretch): If Jesus Christ Himself is holding my dear husband
in His righteous right hand, then I can trust Him to guide and protect
him in the midst of any adversity. There have been times when people
have cut Luke to the quick, and the only thing that prevented me
from pinning them to the wall was the fact that Jesus already had it
covered. And because we are told in Scripture that marriage is two
people becoming one flesh, I believe that providential care also extends
to you, dear sister, when your heart is broken and bruised. Resting in
His hands and trusting Him to execute perfect justice on behalf of the
innocent are what will keep our hearts and minds from responding
with depression, despondency, and bitterness. If we suffer, it is imperative
that we do so according to 1 Peter 3:16- 17, which says to keep cca
clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good
behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is
God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil."
Our God will never let injustice reign. It may take some time,
but I can tell you one thing because I've seen it happen personally:
If we maintain our personal integrity and don't allow the flesh to
control our actions, God Himself will convict hearts, and they will
change for the better. You may never be made aware of this in your
lifetime, but in the words of Dorothy Patterson, ccWe must forgive
when no forgiveness is requested."4 Our calling is to make sure the
conviction doesn't fall on us. And it won't if we beg the Holy Spirit
to aid us in keeping a clear conscience.
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